The Rack

I’ve decided enough is enough. We’ve had 2 weeks of snow and ice, rain, floods and tempest. It feels like we only need a touch of Pestilence or a dose of Bubonic Plague to complete the set. After a good start, this winter has delivered the curse of the optimist in big style and decreed that riding out on the road is the most reliable way to end a season before it’s even started.

Last weekend our club’s reliability ride (sorry “Sportive”) was cancelled because of icy back roads and apart from ‘cross and a bit of off road riding there’s not been much chance to get out at all lately. So I’ve decided something must be done and resigned myself to sessions on the rack in a desperate bid to get just a little zip into the legs and a lot of fat off the belly before racing starts.

The question is, what to put on the mp3 to relieve the intense boredom? In previous years I’ve made up a mix of clubland “bangin toons” but they’ve started to get stale so a search for replacements has been going on.

I’ve tried Manu Chao but the beat’s wrong, I’ve had a go at Mr. Scruff, but that’s real mood music. Blowzabella worked for a while, but you really need to concentrate on that and the turbo is not a good place to concentrate. No, I need something to erase all conscious thought…especially thoughts of getting off early because the legs hurt and I’m out of breath.

Hmm…Nick Cave? Too Dark. Phillip Glass?....interesting, but ultimately too much thought involved. I’ve even tried Tangerine Dream but I need something to pedal to at a steady 100 – 120 bps. Klaus Schultz might fit the bill perhaps?

For the moment I’ve settled on Royksop’s The Understanding. Melody A.M. is too variable in both tone and tempo, but The Understanding has just the right pace plus the bass is compressed almost to flatness and there’s enough reverb on the top to make it a good listen. Not Spector-ish but with space. There’s a couple of tracks with an irritating amount of hi hat, but apart from that it’s now just a question of how long it is before I get tired of it.

Any suggestions or alternatives anyone?

Gig of the year

I should have mentioned this earlier, but a high bar has been set for Gig of Year 2009, even before January is out. the other evening we went to "Folk America - Hollerers, Stompers & Old Time Ramblers" at the Barbican. Hosted by the inimitable Seasick Steve, it featured Alison Williams & Chance McCoy, The Wiyos, Cedric Watson and Bijou Creole, the fantastic Diana Jones and someone who's well on the way to being an all time fave - C.W.Stoneking.

Described by Seasick as totally stuck in the 1930's his mixture of old time jazz, deep south blues and street "Hokum" held us spellbound. With a truly authentic vocal sound, you'd be forgiven for thinking he was one of the original bluesmen, but no. In his 30's Stoneking hails from Australia - unbelievable.

A quick mention for some of the other artists - The Wiyos mix of Vaudeville, swing and old time hill billy had the whole audience stunned with their brilliance. Diana Jones is becoming well known in the UK, having (I think) recently supported Richard Thompson and had a feature spot on the Bob Harris show. Alison williams started out playing in punk bands in the 90's but soon crossed over to old timey country. She plays a mean clawhammer banjo and her band is pretty hot too. Guitarist chance McCoy put his taps on and gave a super demonstration of of Appalachian clog, which took me right back to my time with Loose Screws, which some of you may remember.

We came out of the Barbican at gone 11, very late for Barbican gigs, but with our ears ringing and a very long list of "must have" CDs. It's going to take a VERY special artist to top that one.

The Greatest?

Today on Eurosport I heard Lance Armstrong described (in all seriousness) as the greatest cyclist ever!!!! I don’t think I have ever heard such a stupid and obviously wrong statement. EVER.

Let’s be honest here, No one can come close to Eddy Merckx. OK he only won the tour 5 times but he did win the Giro 5 times, the Vuelta, the tour de Suisse, Paris Nice (3 times), every single classic at least once, including Milan – San Remo 7 times 1966,67,69, 71,72,75 and 1976, semi classics including Gent Wevelgem, Het Volk, etc. etc. 17 six day races, the World Championship road race three times and the Super Prestige Trophy, not to mention the hour record and God knows how many other tour jerseys.

Second on my list has to be Fausto Coppi. His palmares includes 5 tours, 5 Giros, Milan – San Remo 4 times, Paris Roubaix, 5 Tours of Lombardy together with the World Championship road race and the inevitable hour record among many others. We should also remember that he spent a significant part of the 2nd World War as a POW in the UK, so that knocks out a good 4 of his prime years.

Third: well I guess it has to be Maitre Jacques: 5 TDF (yawn) 2 Giros d’Italia, The GP de Nations 7 times – not bad for a tester! The Super Pretige Pernod (World Cup equivalent, more or less) 4 times, Paris – Nice 5 times, the World Championship road race and as is becoming usual, the hour record. Anquetil, though is best remembered for his incredible performance in riding and winning the Dauphine libere stage race and the now regrettably defunct Bordeaux Paris with less than 12 hours gap.

Fourth, Bernard Hinault? – The usual. 5 tours, 2 Vueltas, 3 Giros, Paris – Roubaix, Liege – Bastogne – Liege twice, not forgetting the 1980 issue, run of in an absolute blizzard. Hinault was apparently so cold at the finish he had to be taken of his bike and had to wait until his bath water was cool before warming up. Only weeks later could he feel his middle fingers again! Now that’s a hard man.

Fifth, Gino Bartali

Sixth, Felice Gimondi

Seventh, Big Mig? Van Steenbergen?

Eigth. Hmm… Louison Bobet or Henri Pellisier? Or how about Maurice Garin (winner of the first tour, Paris Roubaix etc.) or perhaps one of my favourites Octave “Curly” Lapize.

Now. If, like me you value the classics (monuments) over the Grand Tours, (and loads of big name riders including Maggie B and Pretty Boy George have said that one Roubaix takes as much out of a rider as a 3 week tour) we come to some of the REAL hard men of the sport... Enter my all time hero Sean Kelly (who I finally met last year – fantastic bloke, really down to earth) Rik Van Looy and Mr. Roubaix himself – Roger De Vlaemink, Francesco Moser, etc etc.

So where does that leave Armstrong? 7 tours,(a record for TDF wins, but not a record for overall grand tour wins – Merckx has 11, Coppi 10, Hinault's got 8 and Anquetil 7)…a single worlds, 1 tour of Luxembourg, 1 of Switzerland, 1 minor pro tour race (San Sebastian) and that’s about it. Certainly that’s the palmares of a champion, a top rider of his generation, but the “greatest ever”?

Please don’t insult my intelligence.

Enough said.

The swanny

Soigne. (French). “To look after.”
Soigneur. (Also French) “Welfare man”

Of course us bikies know that the Soigneur is the engine room behind every professionals success. They’re the person who fills the bidons, makes the sarnies, cuts the energy bars in half, fills the musettes and stands on the side of the road (in the feed station if they’re lucky) to pass lunch up to their rider(s) and then drives to the finish with spare clothes, more food and massages tired legs before starting it all again the next day.

Well, I’m here to tell you that even fat and fifty midfield laggards like me can benefit from a good swanny. I have one of the best in the business and here’s why.
1. During my recent trip to Manchester I took my personal swanny. This was a good move in parts only. I got a bottle every time I came off the track, spare glasses when I needed them and a flat fixed (yes even on the boards they happen). HOWEVER. . . . all the other riders were somewhat jealous, to the point of “ooh get you” when I got handed clean glasses to loan to a rider who’d forgotten his.
2. Last Sunday was bloody cold, muddy and pretty grotty all round. Oh and did I mention the rain? So what does the birthday girl say when I look out of the window and decide to go back to bed?
“Get up, you need the points. I’ll come and hold your jacket in the blistering cold for an hour while you have fun collecting stinky mud to bring into the house later, Oh and would you like your energy drink now?”
3. And let’s not forget a vital role in the ECCA 12 hour, without which I may well have packed at about the 7 hour point.
So like I say, if you want to get ahead, get a soigneur. Top Totty or what???

A very gloopy day

It rained cats and dogs all Saturday night. Watery Lane was flooded (No! Really!) but we still rode 'cross yesterday. The pics don't show it but we had more than 20 riders for a few quick laps round Eric's brand new swimming pool. Once I'd got home, stripped off and been hosed down the kitchen floor was coated in a tick layer of gloopy mud. Bloody good fun though.

Why do we have winter?

During the snow and ice of the last week at least 2 of the Southend Wheelers have tasted tarmac and I have no intention of joining them in casualty so tomorrow its load the car and DRIVE to the Maldon club 'cross meeting. It's only 12 miles away and I've never considered not riding out and back. Even after headbutting a tree during a race a couple of years ago and getting a funny head I rode home afterwards. But having almost gone base over apex a couple of times just walking poochie through the woods this afternoon, my normal invincibility has taken a back seat and so we're driving it. If it doesn't warm up a bit I can see me riding with BKW and roubaix tights and generally wrapped up so warm that the dismounts will be followed by a short waddle and several attempts to remount the bike. It looks like the comedy quotient will be extremely high so anyone wanting a laugh at my expense is welcome.
This weather had better mean we're in for a good summer. The race calendars are out and despite there not being many local audaxes this year I'm hoping for a couple of 100 mile TTs and a crack at the club 12 hour record of 224 miles. I managed 214 and threequarter at my first attempt in 07 which brings me back to a bloody good reason to stay of the bike until until the Good Lord sees fit to turn the global warming on again 'cos its going to be a long season. The pic shows me avoiding that tree last year while holding off a load of riders queueing up to pass me.

Manchester

On Saturday we drove to Manchester Velodrome for a day of track accreditation training. I’ve been stressing about this for a while as it entails 5 hours on the track, culminating in a “mock” race and laps behind a Derny As you will see from previous posts I have been concerned about a lack of fitness, enough to get through the full day anyway.

On Saturday evening I got onto the track with Bob Barber, a clubmate and the manager of the track. We circled on the stayers line doing alternate laps for about 30 minutes, joined by Jennifer, a relative novice rider who was also booked for the full accreditation the following day. With a 50x16 gear lapping at evens was no problem but I was surprised to be sharing the track with a number of first timers, many of whom were wearing jeans and trainers! Continually passing female “builders bums” at twice their speed became quite off-putting after a while, but it proves that cycling has become extremely popular of late. Once the session was over we all went to Cathy’s (Bob’s partner) where she had prepared a pasta dinner perfect for carbo loading for the following day. It was good to catch up with bob and Cathy and all too soon it was time to get back to the hotel for some shuteye.

28th December 2008 - 07:30 hrs.

It was bloody freezing (literally) waiting to get into the velodrome. Once the doors opened the other 15 candidates for accreditation begin to leach out of the woodwork and soon we were all meeting and introducing ourselves to the coaches. During the following hours we did lumps and bumps (at quite a high speed), half lap changes, riding and changing in pairs, through and off in ball formation as in traditional club runs – and yes, we still do it in the Wheelers - and chasing half laps. The day ended with a mock race of 24 laps. Once the split went I managed to get on but couldn’t stay with them. I also managed to stay on the derny quite well so apart from a bit of top end speed I’m going as well as I should be.

The day ended with a debrief from the coaches both of whom had been good humoured and professional all day except for one point when instead of changing into a “square dance” routine by swinging up from the low string to the front of the upper string to allow the lower string to circulate forward, one rider dropped to the sprinter line to spiral the lower string off the track. Total and utter chaos ensued and sensing panic in the coaches shouted instructions we dropped swiftly off the track for a group bollocking. That demonstrated exactly what we had been taught earlier in the day about knowing what we are doing and safe riding. Despite this small hiccup we all got our accreditation tickets and then, after showering and changing, drove home happy but tired.