The swanny

Soigne. (French). “To look after.”
Soigneur. (Also French) “Welfare man”

Of course us bikies know that the Soigneur is the engine room behind every professionals success. They’re the person who fills the bidons, makes the sarnies, cuts the energy bars in half, fills the musettes and stands on the side of the road (in the feed station if they’re lucky) to pass lunch up to their rider(s) and then drives to the finish with spare clothes, more food and massages tired legs before starting it all again the next day.

Well, I’m here to tell you that even fat and fifty midfield laggards like me can benefit from a good swanny. I have one of the best in the business and here’s why.
1. During my recent trip to Manchester I took my personal swanny. This was a good move in parts only. I got a bottle every time I came off the track, spare glasses when I needed them and a flat fixed (yes even on the boards they happen). HOWEVER. . . . all the other riders were somewhat jealous, to the point of “ooh get you” when I got handed clean glasses to loan to a rider who’d forgotten his.
2. Last Sunday was bloody cold, muddy and pretty grotty all round. Oh and did I mention the rain? So what does the birthday girl say when I look out of the window and decide to go back to bed?
“Get up, you need the points. I’ll come and hold your jacket in the blistering cold for an hour while you have fun collecting stinky mud to bring into the house later, Oh and would you like your energy drink now?”
3. And let’s not forget a vital role in the ECCA 12 hour, without which I may well have packed at about the 7 hour point.
So like I say, if you want to get ahead, get a soigneur. Top Totty or what???